They. Are. Getting. Too. Big.
Braden's teacher sent us an email this afternoon, and one sentence stood out:
"We are on our way to 3rd grade!"
HUH? WHAT? WHEN?
With every fiber of my being, I wanted right then and there to stop the clock. I have read about moms who say they want to bottle their kids' laughs. I thought it was a cute notion, and never really thought about what they were wanting.
Now I know. Boy, do I know.
This pile of second grade journal writing by my oldest son stopped me in my tracks, got me from 100 to 0 in 1 second flat. I feel like I am missing out on so much of their childhood, even though I am right here beside them. It's like I'm walking around with a blindfold on, and I can hear everything just fine, but I'm not seeing them, *really* seeing them. Braden will be 8 in just a few weeks. Ryan will be 4 in a couple of months. I'm so busy making nothing moments everything, and my everything moments nothing.
"Mom, come play with me!"
"In a minute honey, Mommy has to finish *insert a nothing activity*, then I'll play."
An hour later, I'm still busy in my nothingness. I know they'll forget, and I take advantage of that.
Shame on me.
Shame on me.
There is going to be a day when there's no marker on my walls, no water on the bathroom floor, and no toys strewn in the playroom. There won't be boys running around after their bath, no video game music floating in the air, and no arguing over who gets to be the good guy first. That, my friends, is everything. When will I learn? Will I be too late? Will I sit in my kitchen and long for the days I stepped on Legos or picked up someone's shoes to return to their closet? Right now it seems that a clean house, neat organization, and minimal chaos is what makes me happy. Then I stopped and listened. I really listened. Boys splashing in the tub, my husband serenading them with his guitar while they're in the tub fighting over toy cars. And I listened to my everythings. My God-loves-me-so-much-He-gave-me-THEM everythings. And my heart burst with joy and sadness all at the same time. I love them with a love that is indescribable, but I'm missing out on so much of their childhood. So tonight I stopped. I listened. I played. I cried out and prayed to God that I don't miss out on their childhood any longer. I praised Him for blessing me with these two amazing little boys. Allowing my husband and I witness them grow from sweet, little infants to the precious children they are today. And praying that we will continue to see them grow into the amazing adults I know God plans for them to be one day.
And I realized that my family is what makes me happy. Truly, undeniably, happy.
So next time I hear:
"Mom, will you play with me?"
I know that the laundry can wait, the dishes will be done soon...
"Yes, sweet boy, I will play with you."
